The missing.

The pain of missing a parent never fades away. No matter what life gives you back. No matter how you lost a parent. Maybe it was time for them to go and you judged life for taking away your most beloved one from you. Maybe they are still somewhere but have never been there for you, so you judge them for their irresponsibility.

We think we grow up and get mature, but we forever carry the little us inside us. The little helpless child, who had to go face life’s difficulties on their own. Especially if you had to miss one part of your role models in life. You learn that you have to rely on yourself and no one else. You immediately get pushed out of your childhood into maturity at an age when you don’t even know what the world really is like.

You stumble upon mean people, dangerous people, selfish people who want to take advantage of you. You believe everything that’s being said to you, because there’s no one else who’s telling you the truth in order to protect you. You fall down and stand up as many times as you have the energy to. You discover your own truth as you go.

You become bitter sometimes, life frustrates the shit out of you. You don’t understand why it had to be you. Why God had to put so much on YOUR plate. You feel sad and punished sometimes. After years of crying your eyes out, you manage to give it some place. You maybe never fully understand it, but you try to let go of it. You try to accept it.

And even though you get mature year after year, the wound never really heals. The moment you see someone with their parent sharing a precious moment, saying beautiful words to each other, maybe a look into each others eyes, a hug or something.. That’s the moment where again another piece of your fragile heart breaks and falls down. Often you forget about it, life’s daily rhythm takes you away. And these moments make you realize that there still is a wound.

A big, big wound. You think that it becomes a scar after time, but it doesn’t seem to heal. Even though you put on the tightest bandaids, this wound is too deep. And every moment of reflection upon your life, it starts bleeding. So you just accept the fact that you’ll never be able to accept it. Because the missing is indescribably painful. Because you know a lot of pain you had to endure was because of the lack of protection.

This wound, the missing makes me wanna hug every little child in the same position. If I only had arms kilometers long and could hug every single child with the same fears towards life. Feeling alone on the planet, not able to stop their tears from falling. I wish I could wipe off all their tears and keep them close to my chest and squeeze their chubby cheeks and tell them that there’s nothing to be afraid of. That I will be there for them. That I will protect them and that they will forever be save to go and discover the beautiful world out there.

Because that’s the only treatment they need. A treatment in unconditional love and protection. Someone who loves them no matter what, just like a parent would. One day I will find them all one by one, wipe off their tears, drown them in my love and make them feel save.

Until then, please parents, take care of your health and be their for your child or children. They are everything that matters and so are you to them.

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